YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize