You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
