You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
