Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the condom got lost in my hair
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize