i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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