Screwed.edu
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
