he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
