well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize