ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize