Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
