so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
