when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
