I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
