Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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