You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize