you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
