Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
