Umm I'm too high to move.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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