1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
