You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
