I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
