apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
