just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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