i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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