Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
