im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like eating out sand paper
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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