we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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