i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
