You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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