I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
