My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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