No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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