Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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