Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize