It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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