Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
