She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
