there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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