(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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