So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
