i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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