I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
