I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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