If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
