Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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