i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need moral support for this bender
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
