i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
More tranny stories later!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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