dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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