I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
His nipple licking is glorious
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
