Me too!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize