just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
