the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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