Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
