He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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