You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
