Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When are your genitals available?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
