we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
