I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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