just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
