I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
