so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
