Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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