Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need moral support for this bender
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
