Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
