I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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