Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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