can u get pink eye on your cock?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
