Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
