It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
