Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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