dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
