i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
