I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
