Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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